What is “Life Balance” and How Can You Attain It?
By Bill Dueease
We all face decisions that involve doing things that affect competing
priorities. We all have three different lives or worlds that compete for our
attention, energy and activity. These are our personal lives, our work
related lives and our family lives. Our personal lives consist of our
health, our inner private likes and dislikes, our inner beliefs, and our
spiritual feelings. Our work related lives consist of what we do to earn an
income to provide resources to live and prosper. Our family lives consist of
our relatives and friends and our relationships with each person.
As you can imagine, each of these worlds will attract our interests and
can create various demands on our time, resources, and energy. When these
worlds create demands that compete with the other, such that we must choose
one world at the expense of the other, on a continuous basis, we get out of
balance.
How do you know when you have achieved life balance? People achieve
balance in their lives when they are able to consciously and subconsciously
align their thoughts and activities with whom they are and what they want to
do, without conflict or guilt. People who are in balance, experience “being
in the zone” of life. Life is good!
What are the steps to attaining life balance?
Discover who you really are. You will want to first discover who you
really are, what you stand for, and what your beliefs and values are. There
are two levels to research. The easiest and most accessible is your
conscious or rational self, where you logically dissect then evaluate
things. But the real you is where your true inner values, beliefs and
spirituality are within your subconscious or intuition level. People can
learn to rationalize almost anything, but they cannot hide or escape from
their inner core values. Conflicts and personal stress occur when the
rational self accepts and conducts actions that are contrary to the inner
values that have been suppressed. Take the time and energy to discover your
inner values and beliefs and allow your intuition to take center stage in
your thoughts and action processes. When you follow your instincts in an
environment that embraces you, you enter the “zone.”
Discover what you really want to do. We have all been told from
childbirth what to do and what not to do. We follow many rules because it is
best for living harmoniously with others and ourselves. But, along the way
we are also told by parents, teachers, advisors, and bosses what we “should”
and “should not” do to suit THEIR personal agendas and perspectives. These
are the “shoulds” that we carry with us and try to follow with very
confusing and mixed results.
Most people have inner passions that really excite and motivate them.
These passions develop early in life and change with time. Yet, you suppress
them. These passions are almost always good in nature and very positive. The
executive may have a passion to create a rose garden. The housewife may have
a passion to play the drums. But they don’t, because they do not recognize
and accept their inner passions and if they did, their conscious mind would
rationalize that they “shouldn’t” after responding to all of the previously
implanted “shoulds” by others. Yet, both the executive and the housewife
feel something is missing and can’t put a finger on it.
Everybody also has desires that are extremely important. These desires
begin with the basics of life like staying healthy, being secure, attaining
food and shelter, being socially accepted, and having a loving support
group. These basic desires are rather easy to determine. Once you recognize
that they exist you will see that they are almost required for a normal
existence. Once these desires are accomplished, you will develop other
desires, like living in a warm climate, working outdoors, raising a happy
and healthy family, and being acknowledged as special. These are more
personal in nature and are also less obvious. This is where the “shoulds"
begin to enter the picture and you find yourself following the desires you
allow others to impose on you. For example, you might go to law school to
become a lawyer because your parents strongly felt you “should” become a
lawyer. Or you might become a full time mom and raise a family early on in
life because that is what everyone did where you grew up.
Recognize and manage your conflicts. Life is a bowl of conflicts and
stress occurs when competing forces interfere with your ability to decide
what to do. Additional stress occurs when you feel bad about doing some
things, because you feel you “should” be doing something else. So you end up
not enjoying or even fully completing what you decide to do because you
continue to think you “should” be doing something else.
The executive will certainly have conflicts between leading her company
and creating the rose garden. The housewife will experience numerous
conflicts between being a mother, a wife and an individual person when she
thinks about learning to play the drums and even more when she thinks about
playing the drums with a band.
Once you are able to be honest with yourself and discover what your true
passions and desires are, you will be in the position to determine what
priorities you place on each. It will be much easier and clearer to evaluate
and establish these priorities, since you will now know what the choices are
and more importantly you will be the only person involved in making the
decision. You will be free from having to consider the conflicting forces of
the “shoulds” which are based upon what others want you to do. This will be
a great relief, because you will not have to live through the agendas or
desires of others, which can be a very tricky thing, even if you tried. Now
it is only you deciding, and the choices become much easier.
The executive can decide that continuing in her position is a high
priority, but that carving out four hours a week to work on the rose garden
will provide her the relaxation and personal enjoyment she wants and needs
to function better as an executive. She will be motivated to focus more on
her executive duties as she is doing them, knowing that doing so will lead
her to being able to exercise her passion of raising her own roses. Now she
will enjoy doing both and will be better at participating in both functions
with very little, if any, conflict.
Eliminate guilt imposed upon you by others. People allow guilt to enter
their world when they dwell on the fact that they are at fault or to blame
for things they did or did not do. People take on the burden of being wrong
and responsible for not meeting the expectations of others. Even some
religions appear to impose guilt because followers are not perfect. Yet, the
fact is no one is perfect. When you set expectations or allow others to
impose expectations that you must be perfect and you inevitability fail to
meet the pureness of perfection, you feel guilty. Then you try harder to be
perfect and feel even guiltier because you don’t reach perfection again. The
cycle continues.
Most people have an innate philosophy of life or spirituality that they
need and want to follow. The key is to discover your spirituality and follow
it. When you follow your own spirituality, you greatly reduce or eliminate
the artificial guilt you feel by letting others impose their philosophy on
you.
Eliminate guilt you impose upon yourself. Another key to removing guilt
is to recognize that you cannot always make the best decisions all of the
time. One great philosopher, Claude Lunsford, said that you want to make
decisions based upon your true inner beliefs, purposes and the information
you gather at the time. You evaluate the options available and make the best
decision, based upon the truth. Then you want to accept the decision as
being the best you could have made at the time.
You do not want to impose guilt upon yourself for a less than perfect
outcome. You might not have been able to know about other factors that would
have affected your decision, or things might have changed that you could not
have foreseen that changed the results of your decision. You do not want to
look back and second-guess yourself. Instead, you want to accept your past
decisions and learn from the new knowledge you gained to adjust your
decision making process for the most important issue at hand, which is to
make better decisions in the future.
Follow the path YOU choose to achieve your future goals. Develop life
goals for yourself and start the process to achieve them. Now that you know
all about yourself, and how to make decisions without guilt, you are poised
to use this information to visualize your desirable life and develop a
number of life goals that will take you to where you want to go. People
reach life balance when they know where they want to go, set the goals to
get there, and initiate the necessary steps to achieve their goals.
Life is a journey and you now have everything you need to create the most
desirable, most enjoyable and most fulfilling journey for yourself. Once you
set your goals, you want take steps each day to reach your life goals and
you will not only be amazed at how well you will achieve them, but at how
enjoyable and stress free the journey will be.
Your desires, priorities, passions, and even sometimes your beliefs will
change. That is very normal. Once you discover what your new ones are you
will want to create new goals accordingly, using the same process, and
continue your life journey in the new directions that you choose for
yourself.
Enjoy the trip!
Provided as an educational service by Bill Dueease of The Coach
Connection, where “connecting great people with great coaches” is their
goal. You may receive a free copy of the article “The Ten Paths to Human
Improvement” by contacting The Coach Connection at 800-887-7214 or
239-415-1777 or
coaches@findyourcoach.com, or
http://www.findyourcoach.com/0o-career-coach.htm
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